New Year...

My New Year's resolution: to be happy and to be out of debt. For the past month I have been lonely. You would think that moving to a new state, a new city, making new friends wouldn't be lonely at all but it is. I come home to my thoughts and the things that I need...and that is where it begins. I would someday like to be comfortable with where I am at in life and I say that with all sincerity. I should take joy in all things regardless if they are bad, but I don't. Instead I have been living in my own cobwebs and my own disappointment. I'm disappointed in how I manage my money and I believe that I would be so much happier without being in so much debt. I'm disappointed in how much I depend on male relationships because I have felt in my whole life that I have been cheated by not receiving it in a healthy way. And now that I have...I'm very much afraid of losing it! I have forgotten what it means to be truly happy and being alive! That excitement and joy running through your veins. Embracing every breath! Instead I am trapped in my own reality-the logistics of it all...I'm a full time graduate student, a part-time line therapist, and a girl that is trying so hard to be optimistic about long distance relationships and only disappointment and loneliness is what kills her deeply. I would like to say that tomorrow is a new day, but to believe that in its entirety is hard. I guess all I can say is what happens tomorrow is what tomorrow brings and I need to take as is. But there is hope in all of this though...I just don't know what that hope is yet.